Gnomes Are Food .com



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Message from Valdrith:  Tristan is a Gnome wannabe.


Recipes from top canibal chef Kultz:


gnome bread(2 loaves)


3/4 cups of butter
-1 1/2 cups of sugar
-3 eggs
-2 1/2 cups of flour
-3/4 tea spoon of baking soda
-3/4 tea spoon of baking powder
-1 1.2 teaspoon of vanilla
-3 or more gnomes

1.preheat over to 350'F.
2. cream the butter, add sugar and mix well, add eggs, one at a time.mixing after each addition.
3.add vanilla amd mix in,
4. mix dry ingredients together in another bowl,
5. mash one of the gnomes in a small bowl
6.add 1/3 of the dry ingredients into the butter mix, and mix well.add gnome and mix well.keep mixing and add next 1/3 f the dry ingredients, add a mashed gnome, untill all ingredients are mixed in.
7.greaseoaf pans,divide batter between pans,
8.bake for 35-40 min.
9.check for doneness with a toothpick.if necessary turn off oven heat and leave loaves in for another 10min. or so until top crack along loaves feels dry.
10.remove loaves from oven, cool on rack 10-15 min,then remove loaves from pans and allow to cool completely


baked cheesy gnome
its good and warm, mouth watering, and its gnome.....

-a good gnome, not a fat one, but meaty, you can get these from the gnomercy guild, they have that allover the floor
-2 pound of cheddar cheese
-a bowl of mushrooms
-a few strip of bacon
-salt, sugar,etc
-potatoes, about a bag(24)

1, clean the gnome, and chop it up to chunks
2,grounds the cheddar cheese,
3, chop the mushroom, bacon into little bits, about the size of your fingernail will do
4,mix the cheese, mushroom, bacon together
5,cut the whole potatoes right in the middle, from top to bottom, and don't take off the skin
6,boil the potatoes for about 10-15 mins, half done,
7, use a spoon, or knife to curve out the potatoes in the middle, making the rest into a hollow bowl like shape
8, mash the potatoes u just curved out with the gnome meat,and add salt and sugar
9, fill the meat/potatoe into the potatoe shell
10,put the cheese mix on the top,
11, place onto a baking tray, and bake in oven for
350'C for half an hour
12, pull em out, let em cool tills its warm, but not cold,



Human pudding


-a human child, or women, prefer young ones
-2 pounds of white sugar, for a serve of 4 people
-a dozen eggs
-chocolet powder
-pixie dust
-1/2 cup of vannila
-corn stirp
-small bowl, or cups
-a freezer, or a ice sorceress/sorcerer

1.strip the human, and use a mill to mash he/she
2. filter the mash, remove chunks of bone, and blood bubbles
3.put sugar in and mix well
4.when it becames thick, add all eggs, and mix well
5.add the choco powder and pixie dust, mix well
6. wait till it becomes a blob, add vanilla
7.add about 3/4 cup of milk, 2% will do the trick
8.add corn stirp, and stir till it becomes sticky
9. put into the cups/bowl
10. freeze for about 2 hours



deep fried ogre back


-ogre back meats, best the kind comes in strips, a bit of body fat is always good
-ground black pepper
-peanut oil, don't use oliver oil
-a frying pot, best metal, conducts heat faster
-any seasoning ingredient you want,

1.use a knife to scratch the ogre back strips, do not use water, they meat will not cook throughouly if frying with water, scratch will the meat becomes smooth and tender
2.fill the fryer with oil, and heat up till the oil start to smoke.
3.sprinkly all pepper into the oil slowly, wait till the sizzling stops
4.put the ogre back in gently and slowly, to do so, hold the strip from one end, and lower slowly into the oil untill half of the strip is in the oil, then let go of the strip and let it sink to the bottom
5.after about 3 mins, the strips will slowly rise, once the strip is floating on th top, draw em out
6. put the strips on a net or plate and let the oil drip out
7.add what ever you want and enjoy!


Elf Stew

here goes!
-an elf, prefer femail, they seen to be more soft, and needs less cooking time
-2 cup of chopped carrots
-about 3 potatoes, best chopped, or sliced
-a pound of sheredded ent leaves
-some gnome back rib, if you want to add the flavor
-1/3 cup of butter, since elves are pretty skinny
-salt, pepper, and other stuff
-a big cooking pot, best the kind african used to cook ppl
-a sharp knife, maybe even an axe

1.clean the elf, and make sure there s no body/facial hair left.(for detail , check my roast gnome recipie)
2.remove elf's head, hands, and feet
3,use an axe, or chain saw, to cut the elf's body into cubes, about the sie of your fist or smaller
4,fill the pot with water, and all the ingredient, except pepper and the elf cubes, overcooked pepper are not good for your health
5.use water to wash those cubes, make sure its blood are washed off, remove big chunk of bones if you wish
6.when the water is boiling, put the elf cube in
7.turn the fire to small, if you are using a campfire, stop adding woods
8.after about 1/2 hour, check the surface, use a spoon to remove the bloody bubbles
9.keep cooking untill the elf cuber are start to get soft and falling off the bones
10, now you can add some seasoning, depends on what you like
11,now use a spoon(becareful, its HOT), jab the cubes, if the meat falls off the bones easily, then its ready, if not, let it cook for a while
12. enjoy the delicious elf soup!


roast gnome

-a meaty gnome, best with some body fat, you can get these anywhere
-pixie dust, adds the kick
-a bit ocean salt, don't use mineral salt, they tend to taste bitter
-12 pack king size beer
-a open fire, best started by using oak

1,strip the gnome, and removes all facial and body hair, the easiest to do it will be flash them on a fire for a few seconds.
2.once the gnome is clean, use a blunt weapon to hit hard and fast on the back of the neck
3.then, cut open a small hole around the belly button, and remove inner organs.:note: keep the liver, use it later
4.use water to wash clean the inner side,then, remove the head if you wish
5.put all the ingredient except pixie dust in to a bowl, and brine nicely for about 3 hours
6.chop up the gnome liver, and sprinkle salt on it, and mix nicely, for stuffing later
7.once done brining, use a knife and cut a hole on the gnome's part between the legs, remove those parts if you wish
8.stick a stick into the hole, and let it come out of the mouth, ot the neck, if you had the head removed:note: better use a sharp stick
9.put the gnome on open fire, and turn slowly about one and a half hour, untill the gnome's skin is golden brown
10. stiff the chopped liver into the gnome from the belly button hole
11.keep roasting untill the oil start to drip out the belly button, that means the gnome is cooked
12,remove gnome from fire, put it on a plate, remove the stick, and enjoy the good old fasioned roasted gnome!


Fallow’s Recipes:


Gnome Raviolies


bearded or war axe
pepper (duh)
random herbs/meat wads of your choice


1. take axe and skin gnome, make sure not to do it to thin or carelessly, you will need the skin later
2. use salt on gnome if still alive (its for flavor...Im serious!)
3. chop gnome meat tossing out any bones or organs you find to make space for better tasting delicacys
4. spread skin out and add herbs, ground gnome meat, and salt pepper, etc.
5. fold legs up and tie them to the neck of the head, than wrap in the torso and tie the hands together, enjoy!



Gnomeh’s Recipes


Dwarven Steaks

1) Strip the Dwarf down to his bare fat butt
2) Trim off his 400 pounds of blubber
3) Mix the remaining 20 pounds of actual meat and muscle with kosher salt
4) Use his blubber to make a fire
5) Marinate the dwarf in beer and hot sauce
6) Cut into 1 inch steaks
7) Your fire should be ready so put on a metal rack on top of it and let the rack heat up
8 ) Rub dry wasabi on the meat (my own korean touch)
9) toss on the steaks and cook em till you think they are done ( about 5 minutes for medium-well)
10) Put out the fire so Smokey the gnome wont have your head
11) Eat your steaks and for you drink : Soju (Korean rice wine, way way stronger than Sake, its like comparing Whiskey to beer, again my own korean touch)
When you are done go hunting for some more dwarf in the mines!!!!





Story By: Sjek


Once upon a time the big Ogre Sjekkey was walking around a place too dangerous for the avarage adventurer, and suddenly he heard a little sound...  The sound came from a bush a few meters away, and with a giant tug of his gigantic and overwhelmingly large fist, Sjekkey pulled away the complete bush within a few milliseconds.   Sjekkey cried out loud for seeing the following disgusting scene: a naked gnome behind a bush.  Sjekkey thought: "Oh well, let's eat the stupid puny little inferior gnome... Time for some roasting"

Sjekkey walked towards the gnome but the gnome didn't want to die so he shouted out loud: "Stop! Please don't kill me!" 

Sjekkey went like "And why not you puny little hamburger... Everyone knows gnomes are food. And I'm not gonna eat a living gnome!" 

So the gnome said: "Uhm you know i'll taste better if you let me run around a bit first" 

Sjekkey laughed out so loud that even the people of KajBlood ran to there homes because they tought there was a meteor storm coming up...  Sjekkey said to the puny little gnome: "DO YOU THINK I AM A STUPID OGRE?"

The gnome said: "Uhm, of course, everyone knows Ogres don't have brains!"


So Sjekkey went so totally berzerk and completely freaked out and cut the gnome into a thousand tiny little pieces (if it's even possible to chop a gnome into something smaller)...  Sjekkey tought: "who needs brains if you have muscles..." and went home with all the tiny gnome pieces and cooked them in his gnome stew.  Then the stew was eaten by Sjekkeys friends from his Ogre tribe and everybody lived happily ever after. Even the gnome since it served its sole purpose: to be eaten.




New Rubies Code coming soon:


if(dayOfTheWeek == DAY_WEDNESDAY && m_pPlayerThread->GetPlayerRef()->GetRace() = RACE_GNOME) { m_pPlayerThread->SetIsFood(true); }





Story by: Sjek

Reged: 03/03/04

Posts: 38

Loc: Holland   An Ogre story.

      #5219 - 06/16/04 10:09 AM  



Once upon a time there was this huge Ogre names Sjekkey. Sjekkey was very hungry so he went out to search some gnomes. Luckily he found a small group of puny little gnomes and he caugth them and roasted a few of them on a stew. But the, another Ogre came by and said: "Hi, can I have some too?". Sjekkey said: "No, these gnomes are mine!!"

The other Ogre wouldn't listen so they started a wresteling match. Suddenly, one of the gnomes that wasn't roasted yet tried to escape. Sjekkey said: "Hey ogre friend, let's be in peace and catch this escaping gnome!"

The other ogre (who turned out to be called Bjorn) agreed and they chased the puny little gnome. After they caught him they cut off his toe's one by one and then they cut off his fingers one by one. The gnome was roaring in pain but Bjorn and Sjekkey found it so hilarous, they couldn't stop laughing. After a while when the gnome died from the horrible pain inflicted by the two Ogres, they roasted the gnome and ate it to the bone.  Then it was time to relax. Bjorn and Sjekkey went to the Scytheran Hill where Sjekkey always chilled out. They lighted their herbal refreshments and they lived happily ever after!